Successful Parenting is No Coincidence: Why It Requires Choice and Hard Work

 

Many parents today operate under the delusion that raising well-adjusted, Pious children is an automatic byproduct of birth. They provide for physical needs, attend church, and hope for the best, yet often find themselves surprised when their children stray from family values. As Curline Matthews outlines in her reflections on a 39-year marriage and ministry, successful parenting is never a coincidence; it is a deliberate, strategic choice requiring persistent hard work. It is not a sporadic emotional application but an ongoing involvement that spans from birth to adulthood.

Beyond Coincidence: Parenting as a Strategic Choice

A vast number of parents limit their efforts to teaching and instructing through words while failing to lead by example. They rely on fluctuating daily emotions rather than a focused, long-term goal for their children’s development. According to the sources, many children become who they are by coincidence rather than calculated efforts by their parents. To achieve a different result, parents must move from a reactive stance to a proactive strategy, identifying warning signs and assessing their methods regularly. This requires a holistic and comprehensive plan that utilizes a moral compass to guide children through the complexities of modern life.

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The Two-Fold Preparation: Spiritual and Social Alignment

One of the most vital concepts in the Matthews family’s approach was the two-fold preparation of their children. This strategy acknowledges that parents have a dual responsibility:

Preparation for Life Beyond: The primary goal is to help children understand their spiritual identity, encouraging them to accept Christ and navigate the spiritual domain.

Preparation for a Productive Earthly Life: Parents must also guide children toward becoming worthwhile citizens who can excel in their careers and personal aspirations.

While the spiritual layer is of paramount importance, the sources emphasize that parents must not use ministry or church activity as an excuse to neglect the social and emotional needs of their children. An imbalance where parents are "too busy with church" can lead to children becoming resentful, eventually viewing their childhood as boring or disappointing.

The Hard Work of Early Intervention and Discipline

Successful parenting requires the wisdom to decipher unique personalities early on. Because "one size does not fit all," parents must pay close attention to verbal tones, behavioral attitudes, and daily routines to identify potential problems before they become permanent. This early intervention is crucial for channeling redirection.

Discipline is a core component of this "hard work." The sources suggest that parents should:

 

·         Set clear boundaries for children to ensure they understand acceptable behavior.

·         Apply appropriate discipline that is equal to the act of violation.

·         Identify "triggers" or antecedents that lead to rebellious behavior.

·         Reinforce the reality that choices have consequences, whether positive or negative.

Furthermore, parents need to stay united. Even if mothers and fathers have different parenting styles, with fathers often providing authority and mothers acting as compassionate mediators, they must work together behind closed doors to agree on decisions for the best interest of the children.

Nurturing the Whole Child: Beyond Material Provision

While providing food and financial security is a basic obligation, social and emotional needs are often more critical for a child’s long-term well-being. Children who feel ignored or lack a conversational bond with their parents may struggle with feelings of anxiety, inferiority, or desperation.

The sources recommend that parents actively foster a bond from birth and maintain it throughout life. This includes:

• Spending quality time together to build trust and open communication.
• Respecting career choices, even if they are not "glamorous" titles like doctor or lawyer, and encouraging children to be the best in their chosen field.
• Avoiding negative comparisons among siblings, recognizing that each child is unique.
• Using "teachable moments, “unexpected occurrences or displays of curiosity, to impart relevant wisdom when the child’s mind is most open.

Avoiding the "Automatic" Trap: The Role of the Home

A significant warning provided in the sources is that parents should never outsource their primary responsibility. It is a dangerous trajectory when a child obeys strangers or nannies but refuses to listen to their own parents. Christian parents, in particular, must not depend solely on the education system, psychology, or even the church to raise their children.

While church participation is important, the teaching and learning must begin in the home. When the home is in order, the child’s operation within the church and society becomes more positive. Parents are the ones GOD entrusted to deposit seeds of purpose, passion, and intentionality into their children.

Conclusion: Harvesting a holy Legacy

The result of this "hard work" and intentional choice is evidenced by the legacy of Bishop B.L. Matthews. All four of his children grew up to be Christians who achieved physical success and are now raising their own children with the same principles. As the sources conclude, while parents cannot control every outcome or change a child’s basic personality, disciplined strategies and the help of GOD significantly mitigate negative outcomes and prepare the next generation for success. Ultimately, the family that prays together and works together by choice, not by chance, is the one that stays together.